Live ChatLetters to and from home play a big part in the memories of SSAFA’s CEO Lieutenant General Sir Andrew Gregory and his wife, Sally, Lady Gregory.
Sir Andrew was a Brigadier and Deputy Commander of the British division that entered the country in 2003.
Lady Gregory begins: “We were out in Germany at the time and, because of his rank we were in a large house 15km from everyone else.
“In the run up to the invasion Andrew was away from just after Christmas [2002].
“Our sons were back at boarding school in England, and with Andrew in Iraq, I was really lonely. Everybody else there had children of primary school age so there weren’t many kindred spirits. In the end I took the decision to come back to England; I thought ‘I want to be near the boys so that I can support them’.
“There was so little in the way of communication, no mobile phones at that time. I think we wrote to each other every day and I’ve kept every letter.
“They [his letters] were fascinating and explained what he was worrying about; he worried that he did his job right, and at the same time he wanted to be challenged professionally. That’s what he was trained to do.”
However, about a week before the invasion happened, all the letters Lady Gregory had written to her husband were returned.
She says: “They had all been told to destroy or post their personal correspondence home, so I thought ‘Oh God; here we go’…
“That was the wakeup call that things were going to start kicking off.”
Lady Gregory adds that one of the worst elements pre-deployment is the prospect of them going, and notes: “Then once they have gone, you have to get on with your life. There is no other way about it, you just hope you don’t get the knock on the door. You can’t dwell on that; you can’t live your life like that.”
Returning to communication and keeping a family together, Lady Gregory says: “On the odd occasion when I did get a phone call [from Andrew] I tended to offload, if you’re talking to somebody you go into overdrive trying to get your woes off your chest whereas if you’re writing a letter, you’re a bit more reflective rather than blurting it all out
“I think letters were much more satisfactory than the odd phone call, perhaps if you speak every day, it’s a bit more normal, but if you only speak once every six or seven weeks there is almost too much pressure to be positive. Trying to keep the family together is hard work on your own.”
But with a departure, there is a return to family and home, and as Lady Gregory reflects: “When they come home, it’s a whole different readjustment stage.
“They used to just come home after they had been away on operations, but now they also go back to work for a couple of weeks to sort things out.
“I think when the children are younger, it’s much harder when [the deployed person] comes home. You’ve been doing everything for the little ones, and there are the pressures of overexcitement of very small children.
“Our boys were a bit older; it was nice to have Andrew home and be a family again.”