SSAFA’s Mentoring Service helping Danni on their journey out of the military

21 June 2023

At some point, each member of the Armed Forces must face the day when they leave the services. For many, it is a fairly seamless transition, but for others – especially those who have contributed years to serving their country – it can take some support, and SSAFA, the Armed Forces charity has a solution.

Called Transitional Mentoring for Service Leavers, it is generously supported by Boeing and delivered by SSAFA.

Since 2019, Boeing has supported SSAFA with large corporate donations – some £30,000 of its £70,000 annual charity grant goes toward the mentoring programme – since inflation rose sharply and the cost-of-living crisis began to bite.

SSAFA Mentors provide long-term, one-to-one, face-to-face support during transition and for up to two years post discharge. They work alongside the Royal Navy, the Royal Marines, the British Army, the Royal Air Force, and other key partners to provide this service.

One of those recently supported leaving the Armed Forces – specifically the RAF – is Danni.

Danni knew that leaving a military career of some 22 years would be difficult, but their journey was made all the tougher because of the hostility they experienced after coming out as non-binary. SSAFA Mentor Geoff made Danni’s journey easier than it might have been.

They had a good career in the RAF, working on fast jets and strike aircraft such as the Jaguar and Harrier, and being deployed to Turkey and Afghanistan during Op HERRICK, then spending 16 years as a computing programmer on the E-3D Sentry.

As a child, Danni felt unable to open up to anyone in their life about their gender. For many years, they hid their true identity. It was joining the military, and crucially meeting their wife that made them confident enough to understand and accept who they are.

Of their decision to join the RAF, Danni says: “It seems odd to throw yourself into the military where you know you're going to have to live like you have to live, but it's one of them things where you think, 'Well, but I want a job, so I've got no choice other than to put up with it.'”

By then a sergeant, Danni left the RAF on their 40th birthday in 2021. They had served twenty two years and six months, and though Danni feels the military provided them with a huge amount of opportunity, there was some animosity towards the end of their career – especially after Danni had decided to publicly share their identity as non-binary transgender in 2016.

“I didn't know I was non-binary until two or three years before I came out. I didn’t know the term or know what it was. I thought I was alone, but then discovered there were others out there like me.”

In April 2022 Danni was struggling with their transition out of the military, and the feelings they held towards the RAF since they came out. They were also becoming increasingly anxious about how transgender issues were being discussed in the media, and feared they may face problems as the ban on conversion therapy did not extend to transgender people.

Danni was in constant distress, and unable to carry on working on their PhD.

As a result of this mental turmoil, Danni decided to contact SSAFA for support.

Danni was connected to SSAFA mentor Geoff. Though worried about meeting him for the first time, Danni credits Geoff as being crucial to shaping their future.

“I was quite anxious about meeting Geoff for the first time”, says Danni.

"There were so many differences between us. He's a lot older than I was, at retirement age, we were from different trades, different generations. I didn’t know if the process would work – and in a way I guess I was being prejudice towards him.

“In reality, Geoff was great for me.”

Danni says that Geoff was able to help by listening, and being completely non-judgmental

“I felt comfortable talking to him,” they add.

Danni continues, saying: “SSAFA’s mentoring service has provided me with long term stability and I would recommend it to anyone who needs it.

“To Geoff, all I can say is thank you for listening and walking with me. Geoff walked with me on my journey out of the military.”

Geoff comments: “I volunteered as a Mentor with SSAFA five years ago with the sole purpose of helping others to avoid the mistakes I made [when I left the RAF] and ensure that their move to civilian life is as seamless as possible.

“I’m just humbled that I was able to help Danni. I learned a lot from them, so I think they have improved my mentoring ability.”

Steve Burnell, Managing Director of Boeing Defence UK, adds: “Boeing is proud to partner with SSAFA directly supporting serving personnel and veterans – including their families – through the SSAFA mentoring programme, which provides essential transition guidance and advice when leaving military service and starting a new chapter in the civilian world.”


For more information on SSAFA’s Mentoring Service, visit ssafa.org.uk/mentoring.